slowly, then suddenly

slowly then suddenly
by kelli galayda

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I will too

growing up,
my friends lined their walls with
smoldering eyes and glistening abs
they scoured tiger beats
for flattering angles and perfectly placed frosted tips
they dreamed and fantasized
of jet-setting the Hollywood landscape
with their denim clad hero on a horse
while he sang sweet songs to the beat of recycled 90s hits

growing up,
my room was hot pink
and I lined my walls with
my 6th grade definition of powerful women
Avril, Britney, Christina, Kelly,
even Billy, Audrey, Marilyn,
Alice from Wonderland,
I flipped through Teen Vogue
took notes and underlined
circled who I wanted to be
and made damn sure I’d learn
how to be them

growing up,
my friends planned their wedding days
used pillow sheets for veils
and said their vows to Ken dolls
growing up,
my momma filed her divorce papers
and told me I’d make it
whether a man was there
or not

I was dying, this finished me

they fell out of my mouth
those words
that split you from me
when you know the time has come
there is no stopping fate

what I didn’t expect
is probably what you hoped for
to crumble without your support beams
to achieve nothing
without your foot in my door

I hope my frown makes you smile
I hope you’re proud of what you’ve done
forced my life to revolve around you
and forced an end
when I found the sun